The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

   (George Bernard Shaw)

When will you quit? When you've had enough, or when you still have enough?

All people are assimilated, but some are more assimilated than others.

Intellectual property is theft.

Instead of getting married (...) I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

   (Lewis Grizzard)

When you can't change your direction, increase your speed.

Immortality is the death of evolution.

Wordt u de laatste tijd nog genoeg tegengesproken?

Winners do things losers don't want to do.

You can change the world. You can change yourself. Unfortunately, not at the same time.

As machines become more interactive and intelligent, we become more archaic and animistic.

   (Philip K. Dick)

Information has become alive, with a collective mind of its own, independent of our brains.

   (Philip K. Dick)

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

   (Philip K. Dick)

Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.

I can resist everything except temptation.

   (Oscar Wilde)

History never repeats itself. The historians repeat each other.

   (Oscar Wilde)

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

   (Mark Twain)

The problem with goals is that they end up as the things you talk about, not the things you achieve.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

   (Woody Allen)

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

   (Will Rogers)

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

   (Dave Barry)

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

   (Oscar Wilde)

God created man in his own image and man, being a gentleman, returned the favor.

   (Mark Twain)

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

   (Oscar Wilde)

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

   (Will Rogers)

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

   (Dave Barry)

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

   (Mark Twain)

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.

   (Mark Twain)

'Sometimes people make the same mistake again and again...'
'Are you currently experiencing this phenomenon?'

   (Star Trek)

The only honour to trust is your own.

The difference between theory and practice is the difference between learning how, and learning how not.

Man who say it cannot be done should not interrupt man doing it.

   (Old Chinese Proverb)

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

   (W.C. Fields)

Trying is the first step towards failure.

   (Homer Simpson)

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there yet to appreciate it.

   (Franklin P. Jones)

Music and movies are just more drugs.

'I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is.'
'Well that sounds like a cry for help!'


The purpose of competition is to divide people into winners and losers.


The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

   (Terry Pratchett, Diggers)

Those who would sacrifice a little liberty for a little security deserve neither the liberty nor the security.

   (Benjamin Franklin)

Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier, and simpler.

   (Friedrich Nietzsche)

All you gotta do - set it down.


If the answer is wrong, rephrase the question.

Life is a joke - but not all jokes are funny.

Who cares, wins.

Everyone's ass is up for grabs with every single post. Nothing is sacred, everything is evaluated. How else could it work? What, if not the quality of your posts, could elevate *you* above the unwashed masses?

   (Alexander Vrchoticky)

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

   (Homer Simpson)

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

   (Oscar Wilde)

The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.

   (Benjamin Disraeli)

I know of no better life purpose than to perish in attempting the great and the impossible.

   (Friedrich Nietzsche)

History teaches us that we don't learn from history.

Bad Things Will Happen.

Man's ability to fail is surpassable only by his skill in denial.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?


Facts are the enemy of Truth.

   (Don Quixote)

Communiceren is zo dicht mogelijk langs elkaar heen lullen.

Please stop thinking rationally. You are scaring the locals.

The enemy wasn't men, or women, or the old, or even the dead. It was just bleedin' stupid people, who came in all varieties.

   (Terry Pratchett)

Wat we 'falen' noemen, is niet het vallen, maar het blijven liggen.

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck, is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.

Are you really questioning reality?

If people had understood how patents would be granted when most of today's ideas were invented and had taken out patents, the industry would be at a complete standstill today... A future start-up with no patents of its own will be forced to pay whatever price the giants choose to impose.

   (Bill Gates)

Thanks to the internet, I'm now bored with sex.


May you live in interesting times.

   (Chinese curse)

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

   (Martin Luther King Jr.)

Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe.

   (Albert Einstein)

The war on drugs is a war against poor people on street drugs, waged by rich people on prescription drugs.

   (Roseanne Barr)

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

I want to live forever - so far, so good.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals, I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

   (A. Whitney Brown)

Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence.

   (Napoleon Bonaparte)

It requires more courage to suffer than to die.

   (Napoleon Bonaparte)

Een realist is een pragmaticus die alleen maar achterom kijkt.

You don't want bystanders if there's a learning experience.


Ik ken de stille grijze regen
die in stilte in me lacht;
ik ken de wegen van de vrede
en de regen in mijn hart.


To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous.


Een mens lijdt het meest door het lijden dat hij vreest, en dat nooit op komt dagen.

If an item does not appear in our records, it does not exist.

   (Jocasta Nu)

Words represent truth much like lawyers represent justice.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it take on social responsibility through forced doctrine.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Time is the fire in which we burn.

Some people have one foot in the past, one foot in the future, and end up pissing all over the present.

   (Stephen King)

I hate cables. They hate me too, because they know that one day I will simply be able to go into the cupboard with a flamethrower and get rid of the lot of them.

   (Douglas Adams)

[The world wide web] is a brochure. A huge, all-singing, all-dancing, hopping, beeping, flash-ridden brochure.

   (Douglas Adams)

It is generally considered socially incorrect to know stuff or think about things.

   (Douglas Adams)

All you need in life is ignorance and confidence.

   (Mark Twain)

When in a rush, dress slowly.

The best part of ignorance is not knowing about the questions.

All you need is a spring in your step.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

   (George Bernard Shaw)

You don't want competition if there's only one contender.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Lots of people talk to animals. Not very many listen.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.

   (Old Chinese Proverb)

Make a damn backup.

Death is the greatest kick of all - that's why they save it for last.

Everything is simple, but nothing is easy.

I assume the worst, and I am rarely disappointed :)

Blame is a commodity excellently suited for redistribution.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

   (Arthur C. Clarke)

Statistiek wordt vaak gebruikt zoals een dronkeman gebruikmaakt van een lantaarnpaal: meer ter ondersteuning dan ter verlichting.

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe
attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion
I watched C-beams glitter in the dark
near the Tannhauser Gate

all those moments will be lost in time
like tears in the rain...

   (Roy Batty)

Never give children a chance of imagining that anything exists in isolation. Make it plain from the very beginning that all living is relationship.

   (Aldous Huxley)

I often have long conversations all by myself, and I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

   (Oscar Wilde)

If you're going through hell, keep going.

   (Sir Winston Churchill)

Cat: a device to convert food into mischief.

Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.

   (Oscar Wilde)

You need only two things: WD40 and ducktape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

- per aspera ad astra -

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.

I once prayed to God for a bike, but apparently he doesn't work that way - so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.

War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You look like I need a drink.

Never confuse a gamble with an opportunity.

Independence is a wonderful thing, until you find it's a synonym for loneliness.

I do not read advertisements. I would spend all my time wanting things.

   (Franz Kafka)

A clear conscience usually implies bad memory.

Do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

   (Meskimen's Law)

Don't try to reason with unreasonable people.

Nothing lasts forever. This was a lesson I learned over and over again.

   (George Lass)

With art, we decorate space - except for music, with which we decorate time.

The form of government that is most suitable to the artist is no government at all.

   (Oscar Wilde)

There's always one idiot that ruins it for everyone. Check when you're scheduled to be that idiot.

   (Oglaf (NSFW))

Satius est otiosum esse quam nihil agere.

   (Plinius de Jongere)



My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said: no, everyone seems to enjoy it.

Humans offloaded memory to books, then thought to computers. Now, we're offloading our desires to the network.


The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

   (Mark Twain)

The higher up you go, the more mistakes you are allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of them, it's considered to be your style.

   (Fred Astaire)

Honour is the notion that someone else's opinion of you is more important than yours.

Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.

   (George Bernard Shaw)

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.

   (George S. Patton)

I had a problem, so I thought I'd use Java. Now I have a problemFactory.

   (cat -v)

Some programmers, when confronted with a problem, say: "I know! I'll use regular expressions!"
And then they have two problems.

It's much easier to be nostalgic about an era you didn't actually have to live in.

Whoever said honesty is refreshing, never heard any.


If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Time is waiting!

In any free society, the conflict between social conformity and individual liberty is permanent, unresolvable, and necessary.

   (Kathleen Norris)

Relationship status: my wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong.

   (Exploding Unicorn)

Reality has a well known liberal bias.

The best science starts out with "well, that's weird".

The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don't care if you get them or not.

There once was an X from place B,
That satisfied predicate P,
He or she did thing A,
In an adjective way,
Resulting in circumstance C.


No fathers or mothers think their own children ugly; and this self-deceit is yet stronger with respect to the offspring of the mind.

   (Miguel de Cervantes)

She didn't want to know how a thing was done, but why. That can be embarrassing. You ask Why to a lot of things and you wind up very unhappy indeed. The poor girl's better off dead.

   (Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451)

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.

   (Niels Bohr)

You've travelled all the way to India, and you're in a barber shop and a guy says 'Do you want a head massage' - you say 'no', there's something wrong with you.

   (David Letterman)

By words, the mind is winged.


Before we get to work on artificial intelligence, let's do something about natural stupidity.

Dear math, please stop asking me to find your X.
She's not coming back.

The bigger the choice, the bigger the torment.

Proposed symbol for absolute assholes: |*|


I would never die for my beliefs, because I might be wrong.

   (Bertrand Russell)

Remember, Satan was the first to demand equal rights.

In mourning, it is the world that has become poor and empty - in melancholy, it is the ego itself.

   (Sigmund Freud)

Whatever doesn't kill you gives you unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humour.

Siri, what's my opinion on existentialism?

"And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"An honest, brave, compassionate human being."
"No, I mean: how do want to sell your labour?"

You only die once.

   (Arthur Schopenhauer)

If I had to live today like it was my last, I would probably spend it bawling my eyes out.

"Fairness is a concept that was invented so kids and idiots could participate in debates."
"Hey, that's not fair."
"The best case scenario here is that you're younger than you look."


Money comes at a price.

Home is where all attempts to escape cease.

One day, we will die. All other days, we will not.

Nature's laws affirm instead of prohibit. If you violate her laws, you are your own prosecuting attorney, judge, jury, and hangman.

   (Luther Burbank)

Research: don't look for information that supports your opinion. Look for information that contradicts your opinion, and evaluate its validity.

Good artists copy, great artists steal.

   (Pablo Picasso)

A sheep in wolf’s clothing should not bleat within the pack.

   (Dave Duncan)

It's a poor road that doesn't run two ways.

   (Dave Duncan)

Dark humor is like food - not everyone gets it.

They say you can't argue with results, but what kind of defeatist attitude is that? If you stick with it, you can argue with ANYTHING.


The difference between an adult and a child is the adult is expected to punish himself.

Men came and went; the world endured.

   (Dave Duncan)

A wise man is just a fool who has learned from his mistakes.

   (Dave Duncan)

Honor is a fine reward, but a poor consolation.

   (Dave Duncan)

If the earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.

Sometimes I wrestle with my demons.
Sometimes we just snuggle.

Courage is grace under pressure.

   (Ernest Hemingway)

Friends are harder to make than enemies, but they are more useful.

   (Dave Duncan)

The fortune you seek is in another cookie.

The happiest is the person who suffers the least pain; the most miserable who enjoys the least pleasure.

   (Jean-Jacques Rousseau)

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.

   (Jean de la Bruyere)

Right-wing rage gave us the KKK, left-wing rage gave us the weekend.

How do you make a small fortune? Easy: start with a big fortune.

Manuals are like sex. Good is very good, bad is still better than nothing.

Everything went according to plan, only the plan sucked.

Information wants to be free, yo.

Euphemism is a euphemism for lying.

   (Bobbie Gentry)

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Elvis rant: click me

Our new video ad campaign has our product's name shouted in the first 500 milliseconds, so we can reach the people in adjacent rooms while the viewer is still turning down the volume.


What are you looking for?

If anything can go wrong, it will.

   (Murphy's Law)

Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon 'B', 'A' is most likely a scoundrel.

   (H.L Mencken)

We would often be ashamed of our finest actions if the world understood all the motives which produced them.

   (Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld)

Have you considered inventing a metric for success that favors you personally?


If a society rates incompetent philosophers higher than good plumbers, neither their theories nor their pipes will hold water.

   (~John W. Gardner)

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

   (George Carlin)

If life gives you Tourette's, master ventriloquism.

I'm curious where you stick your head to listen to your gut?


All good advice is obvious. Work hard, make things, find love, brush your teeth, et cetera. The hard thing is taking the obvious advice.


Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.

   (Monty Python's The Meaning of Life)

The woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except the best.

   (Henry van Dyke)

Patience is also a form of action.

   (Auguste Rodin)

Oh, would that my mind could let fall its dead ideas, as the tree does its withered leaves!

   (Andre Gide)

What if science is just humans adding comments to sloppy code?


Normal is the average of deviance.

   (Rita Mae Brown)

It's not so bad that people cause problems. It's hugely more damaging when they try to solve them.

Fear those prepared to die for the truth, for as a rule they make many others die with them, often before them, at times instead of them.

   (Umberto Eco)

We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings.

   (Ursula K. Le Guin)

The creative adult is the child who has survived.

   (Ursula K. Le Guin)

To create crime, create laws.

   (Ursula K. Le Guin)

Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed; everything else is public relations.

   (George Orwell)

Like all weak men, he laid an exaggerated stress on not changing one's mind.

   (William Somerset Maugham)

Time flies, whether you're having fun or not.

   (First law of Klaas)

I want my last words to be something profound. I tell that to people so often, my last words will probably be "something profound".

To blame the poor for subsisting on welfare has no justice unless we are also willing to judge every rich member of society by how productive he or she is.

   (Norman Mailer)

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

   (Douglas Adams)

True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess.

   (Louis Nizer)

Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.

   (George Jean Nathan)


A pet rock is a fun pet, until you realize that it's essentially immortal and you've doomed it to an eternity of watching its loved ones die.

   (Alex Rogaski)

I bet we're just a few child-sized hamster wheels away from solving the world's energy crisis.

   (Bug Martini)

Statistics are used by two sorts of people: people who want to lie, and people who want to report on them.

The most important rule in dealing with humans is that humans are more important than rules.

I've never understood all this fuss people make about the dawn. I've seen a few and they're never as good as the photographs, which have the additional advantage of being things you can look at when you're in the right frame of mind, which is usually around lunchtime.

   (Douglas Adams)

It's called Google, darling. Look it up.

Look both ways before you cross my mind.

People who believe they are ignorant of nothing have neither looked for, nor stumbled upon, the boundary between what is known and unknown in the universe.

   (Neill deGrasse Tyson)

Change is bad because everything is currently perfect.

   (Oglaf (NSFW))

Inequality is easier to bear than insecurity.

Many people prefer the security of great inequality to everyone being greatly insecure.

Hate works best if it works both ways.

Are you missing the point accidentally or strategically?


No one had ever accused him of being stupid, except possibly where women were concerned.

   (Dave Duncan)

The rich need more money to be motivated, the poor must be impoverished to be motivated.

It doesn't matter if a bottle doesn't hold water - as long as the reasons behind that hold water.

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right.

   (Ricky Gervais)

"Not everyone is impressed by you."
"Well then not everyone is paying attention."


The irony of the 21st century is that you get to meet people at parties who'll get very upset over the difference between deconstruction and deconstructivism, and about how you're not getting that.

It looks extremely dangerous and could attack at any time, so we must deal with it.


What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

When love is not madness, it is not love.

= 251 quotes found =


Todo: create transparant PNG :)